A Diagnostic Mammogram

Cheryl called last night to make certain that they had circled the correct type of mammogram on the medical form they gave me. Apparently if you don't circle "diagnostic" they won't do any other testing after the mammogram without talking with your doctor. I mentioned that I had been able to get an appointment today because they had a cancellation. She seemed relieved. She said she'd call as soon as she had the results. I told her not to worry about it and to have a nice holiday.

The mammogram was uncomfortable. They noted on the form that I had recently stopped nursing. I told the nurse that the worst part was not being able to use deodorant. I guess you never know how much you need something until you have to go without! After the mammogram the pictures were given to a radiologist. They had me wait (in my lovely paper shirt) until he finished looking. Then they informed me that I needed an ultrasound. I'll admit, that caught me a bit off guard. I figured the mammogram would've shown clearly that there was nothing to worry about. At least after the ultrasound I won't have any doubts that it is nothing major.

Ultrasound lady was not as nice as mammogram lady. She was awfully serious and she took a lot of pictures and measurements. I found myself trying to see the screen and then realized I was looking for the heartbeat...haha. I guess I'm used to them checking my babies, not my girls. She left and then popped back in to tell me to get dressed and wait for the doctor. Awesome.

Abnormal. That is the box they checked on the ultrasound handout they gave me. Abnormal.

"You need to have a biopsy of the mass in your breast."
"Mass?"
"Yes, mass. But that doesn't mean its malignant."
"Malignant? Cancer?"
"We won't know anymore until you have the biopsy."

I called Chris from the parking lot. My voice was trembling, but I reassured him that the radiologist said it wasn't necessarily cancerous. Its not like I am at risk for breast cancer.

I have no family history.
I'm only 33 years old.
I've breastfed 3 children. Doesn't that significantly lower your risks? Experts say that, don't they?

After speaking to Cheryl, we've decided to consult directly with a surgeon who specializes in breasts. I'm hopeful that we can just skip the biopsy and take the lump out and get it over with. The whole thing is starting to make me a little uncomfortable. I spoke to Tiffany (my friend and nurse) and she seems a lot more upset than I am. I know that its "abnormal", but I kind of knew that going in. I mean, lumps in my breast aren't normal, so of course its abnormal.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Cheryl will call me on Friday. Chris is upset. I'm trying to figure out how to act "normal". I just don't know how to pretend there isn't a lump in my breast. Then I remember something I read on Honormommy's blog about perspective and I realize something. Yesterday I had a lump in my breast. Today I have a lump in breast. Nothing has really changed, but my perspective. The best thing is that GOD hasn't changed. He was God yesterday and He is God today. So I'm just giving this to Him. I really don't want to carry it and I know that He really does.

So I'm praying for peace and thanking God for my blessings and going to bed.

The Beginning

Today is my 14th wedding anniversary. It is also the day that I decided to call the doctor about the lump I found in my breast. Actually, Chris found it. 14 years ago we discovered that as husband and wife, spooning was definitely the best way to sleep. So we have. For 14 years I've pressed my back against my husbands chest and he's slept with his arm around me, tucked securely beneath my right breast. That's how he found the lump.

"Honey?"
"What?"
"There's a lump in your breast."
"Okay. I'll check it tomorrow."

I did and it was there. A lump about the size of the top half of my thumb, but I've had swollen lymph nodes before. Plus I'd just finished nursing Abby a couple of months ago so I figured it could just be a infected milk duct. I decided to watch and see if it just cleared up on its own. That is until the downstairs bathtub started leaking and I had to use the kids bathroom upstairs. They have a full-length mirror in their bathroom, I don't. And as I was undressing I realized that I couldn't just feel the lump, I could see it. And then I got nervous.

So I called my doctor's office. I left a message for the nurse (who is a friend of mine) telling her what I'd found. I told them if they didn't have an appointment it could wait until after the Thanksgiving holiday. She called back, they did have an appointment, so off I went.

I think what I was expecting was for her to confirm my suspicions. Yes, just a lymph node. Maybe a swollen milk duct. Nothing to worry about.

"I think its just a swollen lymph node, but I thought, given its size, that I should have it checked."
"You're right, its fairly large."
"Yes, but I only stopped nursing a couple of months ago. Maybe its just a clogged milk duct?"
"I think we should order a mammogram."

Okay, a mammogram. I can handle that. That way we will know for certain that there is nothing to worry about. I called to make the appointment, but discovered they had no appointments available until the middle of January.

"Okay, January will be fine."
"Wait. Someone just cancelled an appointment for tomorrow afternoon. Would you like that one?"
"I don't know. What time is it?"
"2:15"
"Okay. I guess I can do that."
"Great. We'll see you tomorrow at 2:15."

Okay, by 3:00 tomorrow afternoon I'll know more. I'm glad that Cheryl is being thorough, too, even if there is nothing to be concerned about.