Cheryl called last night to make certain that they had circled the correct type of mammogram on the medical form they gave me. Apparently if you don't circle "diagnostic" they won't do any other testing after the mammogram without talking with your doctor. I mentioned that I had been able to get an appointment today because they had a cancellation. She seemed relieved. She said she'd call as soon as she had the results. I told her not to worry about it and to have a nice holiday.
The mammogram was uncomfortable. They noted on the form that I had recently stopped nursing. I told the nurse that the worst part was not being able to use deodorant. I guess you never know how much you need something until you have to go without! After the mammogram the pictures were given to a radiologist. They had me wait (in my lovely paper shirt) until he finished looking. Then they informed me that I needed an ultrasound. I'll admit, that caught me a bit off guard. I figured the mammogram would've shown clearly that there was nothing to worry about. At least after the ultrasound I won't have any doubts that it is nothing major.
Ultrasound lady was not as nice as mammogram lady. She was awfully serious and she took a lot of pictures and measurements. I found myself trying to see the screen and then realized I was looking for the heartbeat...haha. I guess I'm used to them checking my babies, not my girls. She left and then popped back in to tell me to get dressed and wait for the doctor. Awesome.
Abnormal. That is the box they checked on the ultrasound handout they gave me. Abnormal.
"You need to have a biopsy of the mass in your breast."
"Mass?"
"Yes, mass. But that doesn't mean its malignant."
"Malignant? Cancer?"
"We won't know anymore until you have the biopsy."
I called Chris from the parking lot. My voice was trembling, but I reassured him that the radiologist said it wasn't necessarily cancerous. Its not like I am at risk for breast cancer.
I have no family history.
I'm only 33 years old.
I've breastfed 3 children. Doesn't that significantly lower your risks? Experts say that, don't they?
After speaking to Cheryl, we've decided to consult directly with a surgeon who specializes in breasts. I'm hopeful that we can just skip the biopsy and take the lump out and get it over with. The whole thing is starting to make me a little uncomfortable. I spoke to Tiffany (my friend and nurse) and she seems a lot more upset than I am. I know that its "abnormal", but I kind of knew that going in. I mean, lumps in my breast aren't normal, so of course its abnormal.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Cheryl will call me on Friday. Chris is upset. I'm trying to figure out how to act "normal". I just don't know how to pretend there isn't a lump in my breast. Then I remember something I read on Honormommy's blog about perspective and I realize something. Yesterday I had a lump in my breast. Today I have a lump in breast. Nothing has really changed, but my perspective. The best thing is that GOD hasn't changed. He was God yesterday and He is God today. So I'm just giving this to Him. I really don't want to carry it and I know that He really does.
So I'm praying for peace and thanking God for my blessings and going to bed.
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